Nearer my God to thee

My current Elders that I am teaching are Heaven sent!
This poor Elders have been through so much though. One of the Elders in my district has a type of influenza A.... they are worried about the swine flue and so that Elder has been in quarantine and all the other elders are on preventitive medicine. Plus I tore my quad and missed their first three days in the MTC. When I came back to work they treated me like a princess whenever I had to go up and down the three flights of stairs.... they are all such sweethearts. To top it all off one day we were role playing teaching to meet needs and they taught me as myself. They asked me some questions about my personal life and I informed them that I had just broken up with my boyfriend....they said that they had noticed a difference in me when they first come into the room but the more I talk about the gospel the more excited I get and by the end of class I seem back to normal again. That broke my heart and I have tried extra hard to not let my personal life be reflected at all through my teaching or my personality while I am at work.
So, today as I was praying for the strength to be ready with excitement and focus and broke down bawling as I begged Heavenly Father to hold me today. I don't understand everything that is happening right now in my life, but it is not like me to let ANYTHING hold me back at work. I begged for forgiveness for being distracted and by the time the Elders came in I was ready and truly felt God holding me up!
The day was a spiritually packed day for us. We went to the RC and my Elder bore powerful testimony- testimony that I greatly benefitted from hearing. When class was done my Elders said that they had a surprise for me. SO, I followed them over to the main building. They took me into a room and told me to sit down as they all stood in front of me. One of the Elders said that he had felt close to God while he has been in my class and whether or not I could feel it in my lessons they wanted me to feel it now. Then one of the Elders started playing an incredible rendition of Nearer my God to Thee on the piano and then one by one my Elders joined in singing. This is their farewell song that they will be singing before they leave the MTC.
I was so touched that I sat and bawled. The poor missionaries didn't know what to do. I was super embarressed for crying so hard- but it was exactly what I needed to hear and their genuine compassion touched me to the core! As I finally faced them I saw tears in their eyes and without thinking I stood and walked over to them and started testifying...testifying about how close to God we can be and how good it feels etc. It was an experience that brough us all closer to each other and to God. I needed it desperately.
I had planned to go to the temple all week this week. However school work, depression and whatever else kept me from doing so. After my time with the Elders I felt a surge go through my body! I headed straight up to the temple- regardless of what day it was and if I might see Wes there- I went anyway!
While I was in the temple I felt so loved, accepted and calmed. The sisters were so sweet. I had worked that shift with many of them before, back when I was a temple worker and I felt so at home. I truly felt nearer to my God and felt that he knew me, and that he would help me through whatever trials I may be facing and have yet to face.
I am so grateful for his hand in my life. I see evidence of it daily!

In a Glance

I am attempting to get all caught up! I know that I haven't really written in my blog since I have been dating Wes. We both keep pretty busy and when we have had down time we usually spent it with each other so I have neglected my blog. I am so sorry.
I tried to write down some highlights and put them each in a seperate post to keep each memory organized.
I am aware that I never really wrote about me dating Adam. I hope you know that the reason was because it seemed like everyone wrote about Adam and for the most part anything that progressed between me and him I felt like the entire world already knew about it. It was a good experience for me. I was flattered that he chose to date me. We were so much alike that sometimes it was too much to handle and in the end we both had needs that werent being met and so rather than work on it we chose to say good-bye as I was in the middle of my second screening for my grad program and He was preparing to go to DC and to take the LSAT and prep for Harvard. Adam is awesome! He is doing great in DC and living the life he truly desires for himself. As for myself I passed my second go around and am now approved for my last year of my Grad program. Things worked out.

I know that many of you want to know about Wes. I am aware... or am becoming aware of how noticably happy I have been in a different way than most of you are use to. I know that most of you know me as the happy, spastic, life is a party, high spirited, goal oriented, school focused, work junky....lots of things changed when I started dating Wes. Life became more real to me. I value new things. Dating Wes has opened my eyes to the realization of what I need and what I want in my life.
I have been very distant this week and I am so sorry if I have offended any of you. I have been pretty down this week. I am not yet ready to write about Wes and I and all the adventures we've had... but I can say that I regret saying good-bye to him but I will never regret the time we've had! The good times out weigh the hard times we had and I am heart broken that we have said good-bye. I think that I am still holding out for a miracle and hoping that I will be forgiven for such a big mistake of saying good-bye.

Concealed Weapon

I know that many of you who know me now are thinking...please get that gun away from that airhead. But believe it or not I am a good shot. People who know me from BYUI won't be shocked to see that this is something that is on my bucket list.

Me, mel and Jon all went to my parents house where an instructor came and taught us and my family members the course on concealed weapons! It was interesting. It was funny to see how much Mel and I secretly wanted to take this class!

Mel spent the night and all the next morning with me getting caught up on life. It was a much needed visit and such a fun night! One more check off of the bucket list!

Happy Birthday Stacey!

Stacey came down for her Birthday and it was so great to see her! We went to lunch at the Olive Garden, went shopping and sprinted to the temple to get there in time for Wes' session. Stacey had never met Wes and so she was in for quite the treat.

Stace and I had never been to the temple before. She got her endowments out while I was on my mission. My parents got to be there for that but I was only able to read about it through letters. The other times that we got to see each other the temple was shut down for the holiday or it was too late at night so we went and sat outside it. It was such an amazing feeling to be in the temple with her. We have both been through so much! It seems like it was just yesterday that she and I would have our pizza in front of the TV while we watched the OC or Friday night intramural games. Now we have both been on missions, I am graduated and almost done with grad school and she is almost done with her BS at BYUI. Wow, we have come a long ways- so much time has passed by so quickly! After the session we stayed and did cealings. I hadn't done them since I got home from my mission. I had such a powerful experience in there that day that I hope that i never ever forget!

After the temple we raced home got changed and then Wes and his cousin Chad came and got us and we went to their house for dinner. We made dinner, played rock band and then went to my bishops park to play glow in the dark golf. Cool idea, right? Wow, you have no idea.

So, of courseI made a fool of myself- I am getting really good at it these days! lol So, I hit my golf ball really far and was super excited and in the midst of me being excited and running up the side of the little stream I somehow swung the "club" (I called it a racket all night)(lol) behind me and ended up hitting myself in the back of the head. In fact I hit myself so hard that I fell smack on the ground. Wes ran over and tried to ask if I was okay as he laughed...I didn't know what else to do but laugh! As I stood up I could barely see anything. Wes noticed that I wasn't stable and asked with more concern if I was okay... as I felt the back of my head I felt a goose egg already formed. I had him feel it and he was confused. He didn't know I had hit myself in the back of the head he had only seen me fall straight on my face! We both laughed super hard about that. I was a bit out of it the rest of the night...but we went back and had smoothies and cheesecake.

The next day Stace and I went to see Wes sing in Church... which was incredible! Then we went down to my parents house for dinner. It was so fun to be with Stace, to be sarcastic, to talk about old times and to share a part of my new life with her. I hope she had a good Birthday!

Reception Time

So, funny story. There's a guy in my ward that people use to gossip about him wanting to date me. In reality he was a good friend.

One day when I was over at Wes' house I saw this guys wedding invite on his fridge. I asked him how he knew them then suddenly realized it before he could explain the relationship.

Turns out that he had gone on a few dates with the girl and then they became friends. Plus he knew the guy as well. So, we thought that it would be funny for us to go to the reception together. Thats exactly what it was... funny!

We walked up to the line and she reached out and hugged Wes and he reached out and hugged me... it was a strange situation. It got even better as a guy who I had previously dated came with his wife and a girl that Wes had previously dated came with her husband. The dynamics were epic! My favorite part was when I was talking to the guy that I had dated Wes came up and put his arm around my waist....that about knocked off the socks of the other guy (In the past I had been enitrely against PDA). With Wes I like it! I automatically introduced them all then wes very smoothly asked me if I wanted to dance. We went over to the dance floor and dance next to the bride and groom and then the other two coupke came and danced as well...awkward? Actually, to me it wasn't as bad as I would normally make it out to be...dancing with Wes was so great and I felt so happy...even though it was a big step for me to be a little bit public with a guy in front of people that I know well.

As I went to leave the groom gave me a hug and said: "Kristi, I like the two of you together." Interesting would be the word I would use... Wes had no idea what a huge stepping stone that was for me to be so public...and for me to like it.

REJECTION

Have you ever been rejected before?
One time when I was up at BYUI I ran into a girl from my High School. I was excited to see someone from home and went right up to her to greet her. She seemed shocked and I thought that it was because she didn't know that I was at school there. Instead this is what she said: "Excuse my surprise Kristi, its just that you never would have approached me in High School. Don't get me wrong, I didn't think that you were the biggest snob in the school but you always won the elections, were involved in everything, and dated any guy you wanted. To you I was invisible." I remember going home and bawlling like a baby and made a pact to become friends with this girl. Later she told me that she had felt bad about what she had said to me when she first saw me but that girls that haven't had much rejection in their lives were hard for her to accept and that the fault wasn't mine but it was hers. I thought about that for a while. I had experienced rejection in different forms through out my life but it was interesting to me to think back and see how blessed I had been through-out my life.
Once I got into the MTC I remembered that experience I had with the girl from High School... in fact the whole conversation came back to me the first time someone slammed the door in my face during a role play. I faced rejection through out my entire mission- it was a horrible feeling. Rejection is never easy.
When I came back home I thought some how that everything would be great! No more rejection...lol. I recently applied for a paid internship at a local Junior High. I need a paid internship desperately and felt like I had nailed the interview. However, I was later told that I did not get the job but that a lady in my cohort did. I was devastated!
A month before the job incident I broke up with Adam. I felt rejected by Adam which was something I hadn't really ever felt from a guy before. Even though Adam and I had an understanding and it was mutual in a sense.... in a way I felt betrayed and...rejected. When the job thing happened that feeling came back again. I am not sure how to deal with these kind of emotions. What helps me endure them is knowing that God has a plan for my life and things will work out for my good. I'm so grateful for the hope the gospel brings!
I don't want to get use to rejection however I accept so much more now as a part of life.

Soup with the taste of Russia

The week of the party I was really sick. Roman called to see if I'd be up to going out and I told him that I wasn't feeling well. He then insisted on making me soup from his native land and said that would do the trick and would heal me. He came over with a ton of grocery bags and got to work!

Ro cooked enough to feed a small army! It was wonderful though. What a great friend to have. He always takes such good care of me.

...And thats how its done!

So, one night I got on the blessed facebook...lol and I had a message from an old friend from High School. It had been a long time since I had seen him and was excited to hear from him. It turns out that he had been looking at my pictures and saw a girl that I had served with and wanted to go out with her. The next thing I knew I was agreeing to go on a double date.

I was a little bit nervous about this double date because I had gone on a couple dates with a guy (Wes) that I had recently met and for whatever reason felt very drawn to him so I wasn't actually looking for other opportunities...I know that sounds weird to hear me say.... but it was true none the less.

The guys came and picked me up first and lets just say that it was quite the experience! (lol) Let me back up and explain why. This may sound horrid but its true. We through a party a week or two before this date and I had met a guy there that was super hot, tall and black....anyway, bottom line is that I wanted to hook up with this black guy. Turns out I end up really liking Wes and so things never really worked out with this hottie. SO, My High School friend calls me right before the date and says: "Kristi, I hope that you don't mind that this guy is black." Ok, ok, ok I admitt it I was excited. I told my roommates and everyone was interested to see this guy who we all hoped to be a major hottie! Well, when he came to the door I about fell over!!!! No lie! He wasn't black and in fact he laughed and said that he was told I was black. We both found that humorous and left my roommates starring behind us. Why were they starring? Because he was a tall, sweet hottie that we didn't know had ever existed.

Once they picked me up we went and picked my friend and then started our night. The night was fun! I got a long really well with my date! He asked if he could see me again and strangely I said I would think about it.

So, fast forward to later on that week. Wes kissed me Wednesday night and Thursday night was a party that the guy I had gone on a date with was throwing. I had promised my roommate and Angela that I would take them. They both wanted to meet some hot guys and I figured there would be a ton there. Plus, they would be mostly UVU students and so there would be a good chance that we didn't know them. Because I had kissed Wes the night before I had a lot of thinking to do. I decided that even though this tall hottie seemed great I couldn't help but feel drawn to Wes so I decided that I wouldn't allow myself to pursue or be pursued by this other guy but that I would still go to the party.

The girls made a goal that they wouldn't leave there until someone hit on them. (Great goal!) So, we drove over to his house and he was outside....(I can be really mean to guys if I am scared) I walked right past him and towards the door while thanking him for inviting us...lol... I am sure that it looked ridiculous! Anyway, he ended up stopping me and he tried talking to me but I tried to act uninterested and the three of us walked inside. There were SO many girls!!!! These guys had a great thing going for themselves! I didn't know where to go so we headed for the kitchen for a drink.

As soon as we walked into the kitchen every guys head turned....I felt so uncomfortable! I tried to act like I knew what I was doing but I didn't. I then recognized someone and he seemed to do the same- turns out we went to BYUI together... go figure! Anyway, one by one we ended up talking to every guy at the party it seemed. Whenever we would say we were about to leave guys would panic and come up and introduce themselves. As fun as it is to meet new people and to be the life of the party... the Jazz game was on and no one was watching it... what kind of guys can they possibly be? lol

As we were leaving to catch the last three minutes of the Jazz game in my car, the guy I had gone on a date with came up with a puppy dog face and apologized that we didn't get to talk... I had never had so many girls instantly hate me before...all eyes were on us. I told him it wasn't a big deal and he said that he couldn't help but notice how all the other guys got a chance to talk to us. I winked at him, hugged him one more time and said "I'd love to chat but the Jazz game is on I hope you understand."

We kept driving through dead zones for my radio and so we were missing plays- I instantly called Wes to see if he was watching it....of course he was! I liked that!

The girls and I laughed about how ironic the night was. They only wanted one guy to hit on us and we had the whole party, I realized that I was more interested in Wes than I had thought, and we'd go for a jazz game over a party full of desperate hotties any day!

Side Note: We left the party with nick-names Jerri-Fiona, Angela- Angelina, and mine is Veronica. We got them by guys trying to come up with names that fit our looks....the three of us call them our hooker names.

I did it!

Jess did my hair right beofre she moved.

Well, I finally found the courage to do something to my hair. I was very nervous and hardly spoke to Jerri the whole way over to the Salon. When I got there Jess was all smiles and told me that she would take good care of me.

A while later I walked out of the Salon in shock feeling like my hair was very drastic. The funny part is that hardly anyone noticed that I had done anything to my hair. It looks very natural and blended well with my already naturally highlighted hair.

Jess is such a miracle worker!

I use to have virgin hair and now..... well I guess I only highlighted part of it.... so I guess my hair is partially virgin still....interesting.

Temples

I have a goal to go to the temple once a week. I feel like Satan does everything that he possibly can to keep me from going. I am constantly amazed by the weekly battle that I have with him. The temple has so much to offer. Every time I go I feel a sense of belonging and a hope for the future.

I recently have had some amazing experiences in the temple in which I have seen friends that I have not seen in a while. I love knowing people in the temple and being reunited. What a blessing it is to have friends who value the temple and who live worthy lives.

There have been many times that the only place I have felt at piece have been in the temple. I truly gain strength through my experiences I have as I attend.