The Courage it Takes

I am sitting on my bed contemplating writing this down but I have come to realize that it hurts worse to hold things in....
For a good chunk of my life I have detached myself from my struggles and any pain that I might have had to face. I tend to act like everything is ok or at least say that everything is okay. I rarely confide in people and give the full low down. I think I do this partly because no one likes a "Debbie Downer."
Just recently I have made a commitment to myself to be open with the people in my life that I trust or am starting to trust. My roommates have been so great and supportive as I have opened up to them and allowed them to help me out rom time to time with little things like lifting a heavy box, making me dinner on one of my surgery days, and supporting me in my church calling. This has made all the difference in the world.
Finding the courage it takes to trust, dare, and open up has been a hard process for me.... Iknow to some of you this may seem weird to hear bc you only know the ungaurded Kristi (that must mean I haven't spoken with you since High School lol) Many of the angels in my life understand this because they have had to listen to me, or convince me to see the need for my walls to come down. Just the other night I spoke with a friend about how I hate to feel vulnerable and unsafe. He then told me that sometimes what we convince ourselves is safety in actuality is the most unsafe logic! That may not make much sense to you but it does to me! Another one of my friends said: "Kristi, vulnerablity is real and its great." As she expounded upon why she felt that way I was moved. To live is to loose.....why go through life without living?
So, all in all I am finding the courage it takes to open up and communicate my true feelings with others around me about why I am the way I am. That is something I should be proud of.

Life

This was something I wrote a year and a half ago:
I want to live life like I never have before. I want to try something new, see things that I have never seen before and visit lands that I have have ne ver walked on before. I am in the prime of my life and my dreams are limitless. I have my life ahead of me and its full of dreams, hopes, and goals. I have been able to have a lot of opportunities in my life to learn and to grow and become better. I hvae been blessed with experiences which have made me who I am today.Now my heart beats wildly for adventure on unknown territory. I want to climb new heights and go after my dreams. I want to live life to its fullest meaning taking steps that I have never taken before!May God be with me on this endeavor and may it be full of journal entries and memories to last a life time! Why settle for anything less than your dreams?

It's amazing to me how much of those desires have led me to new opportunities and exciting new avenues of life. It really puts things into persepective for me!

Getting into it regardless

Life seems to get busier and busier...and yet there are many thoughts, feelings, and words that I want to share with my old an new family and friends. I hope that this will be a way that I can express myself and share pieces of my life with those who mean so much to me. Please know that I desire to keep in touch, I am sorry that I am so busy... but I promise to write...even if its int he middle of the night. Thank you!